Survival Comedy Lovers Gifts

'Dear Santa, when I asked for a ship, what I meant was...'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

'I forgot to cancel the milk!'

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"At least my putting has improved."

"This better be high tide."

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

'How long shall we wait until we start eating each other?'

Stay in school.

Vultures wait on a desert island.

Koool sunglasses, only $10-.

"Karl, act like a stuffed porcupine!"