Survival Comedy Fan Gifts

"At least my putting has improved."

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

What? I had to fire our flare gun at him before he fired his flare gun at us!

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"Has it occurred to you one of us might be a mirage?"

"Graveyards always put me ill at ease."

"It looks like a pitch for a survival-themed reality show."

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

Need tickets.

'I know you're doing your best, but I'm getting awfully tired of cream of coconut soup.'

Artificial intelligence trying to make it on its own.

"What if I told you that everything you knew about slowly going insane on a desert island was wrong?"

No Loitering

One Fine Tuesday in Antarctica

"It was at this point St. Paul felt like he could not catch a break!"

"When you're voted out of "Survivor", I thought they just sent you home!"

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'Only one of you will survive to the end of the series.'

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

Dying man in desert to friend as vultures approach; 'Amazing! I thought they were more or less extinct!'

Eskimo in Igloo

A football is dropped to a man stranded on desert island

'Well, this is not a good sign: Can I have a look at that map of yours?'

"Your troubles are nearly over - straight ahead about ten miles."

"Miss Reed, could you please bring me a palm tree and some ragged clothes?"

Koool sunglasses, only $10-.

'Dear Santa, when I asked for a ship, what I meant was...'

"I've been as good as I can in a zombie apocalypse."

"It's a pity I'm a vegetarian..."

"Karl, act like a stuffed porcupine!"