Survival Humor Fan Gifts

' Well..That's the last of our water.'

'Throw them back They're not what nine out of ten doctor's recommend for a headache when stranded on a desert island.'

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

What? I had to fire our flare gun at him before he fired his flare gun at us!

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"Graveyards always put me ill at ease."

"Has it occurred to you one of us might be a mirage?"

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

"It looks like a pitch for a survival-themed reality show."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

Artificial intelligence trying to make it on its own.

'I know you're doing your best, but I'm getting awfully tired of cream of coconut soup.'

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

"At least my putting has improved."

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

"This better be high tide."

One Fine Tuesday in Antarctica

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"When you're voted out of "Survivor", I thought they just sent you home!"

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."