Summer Satirist Gifts

"Of course it's not safe. That's why I'm here."

Mirages Of NYC Summer

"Watering the sidewalk, eh?"

'Can't stand the heat, go into the kitchen.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'Oh, come on - If you're gonna mess up my castle, take the whole thing.'

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

Snowman and stickmen losing arms

Hotness

Suburban street.

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

"Not much is known about them. They apparently, had a highly advanced, thriving civilization. Then one August, everyone left the city and never returned."

"Did you get some work done?"

Bed of Nails on Holiday

Autumn Leaves

"It's actually an ink stain but my wife has grown quite fond of it."

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

"Defending you isn't going to be easy. . . Sana actually started an 'Extremely cruel, stupid and psychotic kid' list especially for you."

Shark in the swimming pool.

'It's spring, Boss! When a young man's fancy turns to union organizing!"

Snowman arriving home to his Refrigerator Home

'I'm the ghost of non-sectarian midwinter public holiday future.'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

"I give you about ten days, then your head will rot."

You'll never believe what that house is for.

Punch has a smoking break.

'Is this the way to the beach?'

'This is totally bananas!'

'I am wearing my bikini!'

'So that's what hockey players do in summer.'