Springtime Satirist Gifts

"Dear Editor, Today I heard the first bird of Spring...."

'It's spring, Boss! When a young man's fancy turns to union organizing!"

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Sock Puppet in Literature

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

The camouflage in vietnam was more comfortable

'Don't believe everything you read.'

"Did you get some work done?"

"We're going to need more words for flip-flops."

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

Autumn Leaves

Traffic Lights Medicine

Lex Ave Express

Snowman arriving home to his Refrigerator Home

"Defending you isn't going to be easy. . . Sana actually started an 'Extremely cruel, stupid and psychotic kid' list especially for you."

"It's actually an ink stain but my wife has grown quite fond of it."

'I'm the ghost of non-sectarian midwinter public holiday future.'

'And every spring, a koi pond shows up in a corner of the basement.'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

"I give you about ten days, then your head will rot."

",,,These job cuts will not affect patient care...."

'I'd take that with a pinch of salt if I thought the council could spare any.'

"I'm determined to beat the traffic, I just need to work out how they fly."

Woman uses birds to help her believe she has lost weight.

Bumper sticker reads: 'I'd rather be text messaging.'

"Save my spot?"

"No giblets, but there's an organ-donor card."

'Well, that's just great...zombies! There goes the neighbourhood!'

'They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games!'

'And me fresh out of xanax.'

Drunken Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

(Used to be) END.