Summer Humorist Gifts

'The one thing I hate about summer - great big moths coming in at night.'

'It's the middle of summer and the family is beginning to fear that you're stalking them.'

"Good news... I've left the air conditioner on so the house will be cool when we get home."

'Another pint of sun lotion.'

Shark in the swimming pool.

"So, always remember to bring your fat guy inside when temperatures are above 70 degrees. And, also remember that I am not only the spokesman and advocate, but I am also a fat guy. Thank you."

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

'Is that a thong or is your rear end devouring your swimsuit?'

Punch has a smoking break.

'So that's what hockey players do in summer.'

Flip Flops

"Chilbains? In July!"

Hotness

Man roasting his satay by the sun.

Man's T-shirt says: 'PROTECT YOUR EYES: Never look directly at pale legs,'

'Dad why can't you just say you have been out in the sub to long, like everybody else?'

When it's this hot, I let him have a popsicle.

"You're supposed to use an empty seashell to hear the ocean!"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Asparagus Beach, Amagansett, NY.

Emergency Hipster Beard

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

"No, Doris, not implants!"

Camping holidays in the British summer.

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

Castro's successful invasion of miami beach.

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"I love November - the crunch of leaves underfoot... the crisp air... the holiday markets..." "... it getting dark by mid-afternoon..." "Okay, that's less enjoyable."

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"We're freaky February hares, the mad march ones have vanished due to global warming."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Barbecue

'It's a snow mobile.'

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'