Suburban Skeptic Gifts

"Beware of everything."

"No dogs. No solicitors. No children. No nuthin'. In fact, just go! Go away!"

"He loves his leaf blower."

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

Suburban street.

"No religious nuts!"

"To cross street, push button, wait for walk signal, wait, wait some more."

Autumn Leaves

'Just stop for a minute. Smell that pine scent. Drink in the view. I don't think we could pick a better site for our 'Mega-Mall'!'

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

Poker Moms

Foreign Policy Mysteries Revealed!

Suburban blues legends

Opium Den 2019

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

'Well, that's just great...zombies! There goes the neighbourhood!'

'I'll bet this would be more fun on a computer.'

'And me fresh out of xanax.'

"Look lady, I told you before; anything over one-hundred pounds you gotta take to the dump yourself."

"We thought a soulless, desolate community would be good for the kids."

Annoying things about the beach.

Titian's Venus of Mamaroneck

"The boondocks R us, I guess."

Mowing the Lawn

'It's my first dog house with indoor plumbing.'

"If the Greenlanders don't want to become Americans, Trump can buy our meadow! It's green, too, and we wouldn't have to keep pulling up the weeds!"

'Nature makes me nervous!'

(Used to be) END.

"I'm home dear! So what have you been doing today?"