Sunday Skeptic Gifts

'Every Sunday I thank God that I'm an atheist!'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

Punk Reindeer

"The news is so fake, the ads are beginning to look honest."

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

Russian war crimes

Incredible

"Since I no longer trust the media. I get all my news from hysterical people on the street."

'It says here that most people believe what they read in the papers.'

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

"I've been expecting this...FAKE WEATHER!"

"I'm actually looking forward to age-related hearing loss."

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need

Rational explanations

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

Turn on the news. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story. There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on Rocky Road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills. Who told you this? Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy.

'Technically, you do qualify for five weeks of vacation, but your request for 35 Sundays off has to go under review.'

I Can't Believe It's Not Fake News

Demon in the elevator. Man says: 'Sorry, are you going up or down?'

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

About Santa 2017.

'The market fell today because it needed to fail before it could succeed.'

The Good News, the Media Nothwithstanding

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"Elvis battles Alien, Britney weds Satan. Man, who reads this garbage?"

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"