Stranded Survivor Jokes Gifts

"No, I wasn't concerned about gun control."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

Castaway harnessing electricity.

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

"We both knew this day would come, Samantha... I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"This better be high tide."

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

'I sure hope you're a marriage counselor.'

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

"No, we're no gods, we're God's gift to women!"

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

'Phew, now, where can i plug my mobile in?'

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

Notice on desert island - sand for sale

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

'The tide goes out along way, doesn't it?'

Stay in school.

NO FACILITIES

"Will you quit listening to your ten all-time favorite albums and help me find some food!"

'You're trying to hail a taxi?... Are you insane? You'll never get one at this time of day!'

"Karl, act like a stuffed porcupine!"