Stranded Survivor Jokes Pillows

"No, I wasn't concerned about gun control."

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'You are here' sign on desert island.

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

Castaway harnessing electricity.

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

"We both knew this day would come, Samantha... I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

'I sure hope you're a marriage counselor.'

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

"This better be high tide."

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

Notice on desert island - sand for sale

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'Phew, now, where can i plug my mobile in?'

"No, we're no gods, we're God's gift to women!"

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

'The tide goes out along way, doesn't it?'

Stay in school.

NO FACILITIES

Look! A penny!

Woman on desert island reads message she finds in a bottle: 'It's an ad for a diet club.'

"Will you quit listening to your ten all-time favorite albums and help me find some food!"

'You're trying to hail a taxi?... Are you insane? You'll never get one at this time of day!'