Survivor Humorist Pillows

'What'

"One wish, and this is all you can think of?"

'Don't be in such a hurry! The wine needs time to breathe.'

'...but where we're concerned I AM the last man on earth!'

'Okay, this time I've added - "How do you rate this message?" with one to five stars.'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

Man looks worried, as his fellow castaway reads book: 'Cannibalism for Dummies'.

"We both knew this day would come, Samantha... I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

"This better be high tide."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

'Phew, now, where can i plug my mobile in?'

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

Stay in school.

Woman on desert island reads message she finds in a bottle: 'It's an ad for a diet club.'