Survivor Humor Appreciator Pillows

'We're the only creatures that can survive a nuclear holocaust, yet size 10 Reeboks scare me to death.'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'You are here' sign on desert island.

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

Man looks worried, as his fellow castaway reads book: 'Cannibalism for Dummies'.

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"This better be high tide."

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"When they guaranteed delivery anywhere, anyplace, they weren't kidding."

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

Stay in school.

Koool sunglasses, only $10-.

'Well, this is not a good sign: Can I have a look at that map of yours?'

"Karl, act like a stuffed porcupine!"

Look! A penny!

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