Survivalist Humor Lover Pillows

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

The Atomic Cafe is Back

'I've a nut allergy?'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

Man looks worried, as his fellow castaway reads book: 'Cannibalism for Dummies'.

"We both knew this day would come, Samantha... I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

"This better be high tide."

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

Stay in school.

"Will you quit listening to your ten all-time favorite albums and help me find some food!"

Koool sunglasses, only $10-.

Woman on desert island reads message she finds in a bottle: 'It's an ad for a diet club.'

Look! A penny!