Desert Survivor Humor Gifts

'Water! Water! Scotch! Water!'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

Just a little seasoning...

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

"I bet you thought that because you'd been castaway for forty years, you'd get off with your six month prison sentence."

'Eating all of this coconut is making me feel really horny.'

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

BARBER

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"This better be high tide."

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

"Breakfast's ready, darling."

"Nothing like a snow zombie."

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

Desert - Steep Hill sign.

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'P.S. When finding this message please be sure to dispose of the bottle in a bona fide bottle bank.'

'Her and her silicone implants!'

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'I'll never use that travel agent again!'

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

Dying man in desert to friend as vultures approach; 'Amazing! I thought they were more or less extinct!'

Stay in school.

Look! A penny!