Desert Survival Humorist Gifts

TapFancy Dress Costume For Snakes

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

Just a little seasoning...

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

Suez Canal Curse

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

"This better be high tide."

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

BARBER

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

"Nothing like a snow zombie."

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

Desert - Steep Hill sign.

Luck

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

One of Indonesia's most feared Volcanoes: The mighty 'Kraka-toe-a'.

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'Her and her silicone implants!'