Deserted Humorist Gifts

"When you said you were going to write in the sand, I thought it would say SOS or something."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

Suez Canal Curse

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

'Hope you don't mind the boxing gloves. I'm no good at hands.'

"Sorry about that. Just following the serving suggestion."

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

Museum Guard Portrait

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

'Buck, the town's bein' attacked by tin cans! Sheriff's looking' all over for ya.'

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

"Nothing like a snow zombie."

"OK, now here comes the lava."

One of Indonesia's most feared Volcanoes: The mighty 'Kraka-toe-a'.

Scream Shrink

'P.S. When finding this message please be sure to dispose of the bottle in a bona fide bottle bank.'

'Personally, I thin the downsizing went too far.'

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

Luck

'Her and her silicone implants!'

Desert - Steep Hill sign.

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

'Since I lost my shirt on the stock market, I now only accept strong currency or gold bullion.'

'Sales of new homes are plummeting. I suggest we build old homes.'

'. . . If you need immediate help with the floods I understand Mrs Miggins at No. 9 has a canoe!'