Stranded Humorist Gifts

"How much for my golf ball?"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

Bob's Driving School.

Shakespeare Ave

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

Shy Man at Party

'Can you dance?'

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

worrying letters

"Pierce and Pebble, Solicitors. Here's a writ for you to appear in court for harrassment of our client, Dr Faustus."

'Dear diary, went to the beach again today.'

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

"Are you sure you should be on this list?!"

'We were getting along fine and then she wanted me to get a job.'

"I spend so much time sitting at my desk, my chair now suffers from separation anxiety. I only left for lunch, and it had to follow me."

"Surprising me- that's your life's work."

"Why don't you take up a sport,son-like long distance running-away from home...?"

"And you can forget about a decent bagel."

'This can't be right -- it says George Bush is still President!'

'Want to bet they're more VHS tapes when we've got a Beta System?'

"Right now, I'm walking the dog."

Working from home

Pandemic Pitfall!

Man being prodded into hell by a demon meets a charity collector with clipboard, asking: 'Hello, could I have five minutes of your time?'

'The Gawlaks have two palm trees!'

"I'm staying healthy during lock-down by increasing my consumption of kale. . .the 'K' is silent."

Cruising the highway of broken dreams

Yeah, Fred's a real credit to the human race. He owes everyone.

'Does this orange jumpsuit make my butt look big?'

When hair stylists are shipwrecked.

'Do we flip a coin to see which one gets the job?'