Incarceration Humorist Gifts

'Does this orange jumpsuit make my butt look big?'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prisoner Crossing

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

Convict Decor

Prosecutor trying to link parking tickets and library fines with gangland killings.

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

At least you have security!

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

Martha bakes with her new friends.

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

Boy with policeman - "That's Kevin's new tagging device!"

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

"Any word on my appeal?"