Incarceration Humorist Gifts

'Does this orange jumpsuit make my butt look big?'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

Prisoner Crossing

When staffing agencies screw up.

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'

Convict Decor

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

Prosecutor trying to link parking tickets and library fines with gangland killings.

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

Martha bakes with her new friends.

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

At least you have security!

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

Boy with policeman - "That's Kevin's new tagging device!"

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'