Prison Reform Humorist Gifts

"One kind of insurance I won't be needing is flight insurance."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

Prisoner Crossing

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

When staffing agencies screw up.

Human Rights

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

Convict Decor

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'I'm not here for committing a crime - I'm here for failing to comply with a guideline.'

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

At least you have security!

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."