Prison Reformer Humor Gifts

'You are here for 99-years.'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

When staffing agencies screw up.

Human Rights

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

Convict Decor

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

Martha bakes with her new friends.

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

Michael Cohen Attorney at Law

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

Prisoners complaining during an inspection

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'There's a rumour we're all going to be released and forced to join the NFL.'

I don