Humorist In Chaos Gifts

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"And just where is it written that dystopias can't be fun?"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

',,,And we'd really like a heart for the Tin Man,,,'

'George! This way quick!'

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

When Fred's super deluxe leaf blower blew up yet again, he wondered where global deforestation is when you want it,

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'Sunday in the park'

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

"Walter had an attack of road rage in the driveway."

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

The insurance giants do battle, ironically costing their own companies billions of dollars in claims,

Mime in an Emergency Ward at Hospital

"I'll call you back. I'm in a meeting."

"And WHATEVER you do DON'T FALL DOWN THE STEPS or put your finger in the ELECTRICITY socket."

Preserved head and mobile phone.

Over. Under. Sideways. Kid.

"Ooh, Igor — a dead rat! You shouldn’t have!"

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

'You can come back as a zombie OR a ghost, Randy, but not both.'

worrying letters

"What can I say? Tough split."

Covid Juggling

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

'John's ,um wouldn't have heard if I had said please and thank you - she was too busy shouting for help.'

"Are you sure you should be on this list?!"

"Pierce and Pebble, Solicitors. Here's a writ for you to appear in court for harrassment of our client, Dr Faustus."

Toilet Roll Drop

Dancing with death.

101 uses of a dead cat: toast fork