Humorist In The Chaos Gifts

worrying letters

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

Non-Drip ?

',,,And we'd really like a heart for the Tin Man,,,'

'George! This way quick!'

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

When Fred's super deluxe leaf blower blew up yet again, he wondered where global deforestation is when you want it,

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'Sunday in the park'

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

"Walter had an attack of road rage in the driveway."

The insurance giants do battle, ironically costing their own companies billions of dollars in claims,

"I'll call you back. I'm in a meeting."

Over. Under. Sideways. Kid.

Mime in an Emergency Ward at Hospital

'Careful - that new bed is a little touchy.'

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

Covid Juggling

"He still isn't paper trained, but I got him rug trained."

'We're screwed. Three Flashing Furillos eloped with Tribada Trio!'

'He has mixed feelings about the trophy — it's a lifetime achievement award from the Anarchists' Association.'

Car with upright Christmas tree.

'John's ,um wouldn't have heard if I had said please and thank you - she was too busy shouting for help.'

If Noah Had Been a Member of FEMA.

'The fans are getting impatient. ... Let's give him another minute. If he doesn't come to by then, we'll the brawl without him.'

Toilet Roll Drop

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

Pandora's Fax.

"I said fire not shoot."

'Which service do you require, sir - Fire, Police, Ambulance or Bank-rescue?'

Mike was definitely having a mid-wife crisis.

"And where's the father of all these children that you don't know what to do with?"

"Keep calm woman - you're making him nervous."

'Things have to get worse before they get better.'