Deserted Humorist Pillows

"When you said you were going to write in the sand, I thought it would say SOS or something."

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

"Sorry about that. Just following the serving suggestion."

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

'Hope you don't mind the boxing gloves. I'm no good at hands.'

Museum Guard Portrait

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

"Nothing like a snow zombie."

'Buck, the town's bein' attacked by tin cans! Sheriff's looking' all over for ya.'

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

"OK, now here comes the lava."

Luck

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

Desert - Steep Hill sign.

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

'Her and her silicone implants!'

Scream Shrink

'P.S. When finding this message please be sure to dispose of the bottle in a bona fide bottle bank.'

One of Indonesia's most feared Volcanoes: The mighty 'Kraka-toe-a'.

'Personally, I thin the downsizing went too far.'

'Since I lost my shirt on the stock market, I now only accept strong currency or gold bullion.'

'Sales of new homes are plummeting. I suggest we build old homes.'

'The way things are going in the building trade we are never going to be part of a demolition project in our life time.'

'. . . If you need immediate help with the floods I understand Mrs Miggins at No. 9 has a canoe!'