Absurdist Humorist Pillows

'They're still waiting for Godot.'

"What to Expect When You're Alive"

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Sock puppet down!: 'A hand! I need a hand!'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"I understand they're pretty much extinct everywhere else."

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

'Ha ha, that cloud looks just like Frederick Pethick-Lawrence, Financial Secretary to the Treasury, 1929-1931.'

Brain Pasta

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."