Sedentary Humorist Pillows

"... I CAN'T be 'at risk for a heart attack,' I never exert myself!"

"I'm not sure what that feels like."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

German School

"What are you doing?"

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

"I learned about the despotism at the same time you did."

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

"I have to admit Dick Cheney makes a strong argument for torture. But I still think torturing him would be wrong."

"International travel accessories, 2025 Passport covers Hey, isn’t Canada a lovely country? Even if I'm from the US Luggage tags Dear World, We are very sorry about how the U.S. is acting lately. Phrasebook I did not vote for him. Yo no voté por él. The tariffs are really stupid. Los aranceles son realmente estúpidas. We don’t really want to invade your country. Realmente no queremos invadir su país."