Storytime Revivalist Gifts

"Your sense of loss, … Is it youth, .. Innocence, hopes and dreams, of is it actually sheep?"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

Little Princess.

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'A is for Arse.'

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

Bedtime in Ancient Greece

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"