Storytime Specialist Gifts

'Just FYI...so far your overall communication scores are pretty dismal. Do go on.'

"Don't worry, mom. If a cow can jump over the moon, you can get on your exercise ball."

"I'm here on a grant."

Aesop's Fables - The Mouse and the Weasel

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

' . . . and then the policeman said, I'm sorry Red Riding but you'll just have to pull it down.'

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

"I hope you both end up in landfill!"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Little Princess.

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'A is for Arse.'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."