Storytime Guru Gifts

And then the frog was turned into a hideous prince...

The Poky Little Pupa.

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

Little Princess.

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'A is for Arse.'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

"We call it 'learning to read', not 'battling illiteracy'."

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'