Storytime Humorist Gifts

"Okay, I'll accept that the big, bad wolf blew your house down, but I don't believe he 'nicked your D.V.D. recorder and plasma T.V.'."

'Plus I found this great set of porridge bowls!'

"Keep reading. I have to do a book report on that tomorrow."

The Poky Little Pupa.

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Little Princess.

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."