Storytime Entertainer Gifts

'Once upon a time, in a faraway land with a budget surplus...'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Little Princess.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'A is for Arse.'

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."