Storytime Expert Gifts

'But then after chopping down the beanstalk, Jack's legal nightmare began...'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

Little Princess.

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'A is for Arse.'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."