Storytime Innovator Gifts

'A is for Arse.'

Pre-Recorded Crying For A Story

Kid uses his violin as a golf club.

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

I have an idea - Let's sit around the campfire and watch scary movies on our iPads!

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Little Princess.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

"We call it 'learning to read', not 'battling illiteracy'."

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."