Storytelling Humorist Gifts

"At the time of the incident, I was employed in the Dunbar house as a pet."

'Rapunzel, hurry up and let down your hair before I miss the big game!'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"Gee, thanks pal."

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

Kultural K9's.

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

"#notguilty."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.