Literary Humorist Gifts

"I wish you would make up your mind, Mr. Dickens. Was it the best of times or was it the worst of times? It could scarcely have been both."

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

Great Poets of Catalogdom

"Let me guess – you stayed late at your buddy's place helping him with a, quoth, poem."

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

"Perhaps He Was Too Close To The Situation, But Aesop Failed To See Any Goddamned Moral To The Story Of The Goddamned Birds Eating His Goddamned Tomatoes Again . . ."

'It was a last-minute change, but a good one.'

Hamlet: An Early Draft

"Do you have any why-to books?"

Hemingway's dog meets Faulkner's Dog.

The road less travelled (man falling off a cliff).

Tesco Poetry Promotion: Byron - Get one free!

'Waiting for Godotcom.'

'I think the surgery went well, especially considering I'm a doctor of literature.'

"Happy?"

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

'Friends, lab rats, country mice, lend me your ears...'

'With your liberal arts background, you should be able to walk into any employer's office and say with the utmost confidence, 'Wherefore art thou, Romeo?''

'He had writer's block right up until the end.'

'You STUPID fool Ryan! Didn't i warn you not to go JUDGING his cover?!' / A book has just been bashed around a bit for judging another book's cover.

Medical Books - Lady Chatterley's Liver

"Three Morons At Sea."

"Look, I think it's a cute idea, but the salespeople say there's not market for a big color pop-up book of toxic waste."

Hopeless Romantic - "I wandered lonely as a hat..."

"We've moved a few things around. Travel books are in the Fantasy section, Politics is in Sci-Fi, and Epidemiology is in Self-Help. Good luck."

"'Genesis' was brilliant! I can't wait for the next installment."

'I know you see this as a 'coffee table' book, but might I suggest it would make a better 'under the wonky leg of a coffee table' book,,'

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

Don Quixote is recorded by Sancho Panza.

"Every man for himself!"

As man reads horror fiction, tree reads pulp fiction.

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

Middle earth TV.

Rind of the Ancient Mariner