Literary Comedian Gifts

"Can you sign this copy I downloaded off the internet?"

In writing War and Peace, Tolstoy was going for the big laugh, but the more he wrote, the more elusive it became.

'Bront?saurus.'

'I wouldn't worry about not brushing before bed if it was just the one night, Mr. Van Winkle.'

"Copywriting is too 'writing.'"

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Cartoon Library

'Making a million out of writing is a laudable ambition...but I don't think you can do it by trying to copyright the word 'and'.'

'Great Books' 'Good Books' 'Trash'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

They hated me.

Zombie standup

Showbiz Awards

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

'The circle is complete!'

Trump pardons

'Your French dip, sir.'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

A Guide to Balloon Animals

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!