Literary Comedian T-Shirts

"When I asked you to read a book, I didn't mean Facebook."

"Can you sign this copy I downloaded off the internet?"

In writing War and Peace, Tolstoy was going for the big laugh, but the more he wrote, the more elusive it became.

'Bront?saurus.'

'I wouldn't worry about not brushing before bed if it was just the one night, Mr. Van Winkle.'

"Copywriting is too 'writing.'"

Our Staff Picks

What's that? It's my second published book. It's called "The Official Biography of Rudy Park, the Loser Who Allegedly Works at My Local Café and Spends All His Free Time Doing Nothing on the Internet." It's just a bunch of empty pages. I know. Very meta, right?

Cartoon Library

'Making a million out of writing is a laudable ambition...but I don't think you can do it by trying to copyright the word 'and'.'

'Great Books' 'Good Books' 'Trash'

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

They hated me.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Trump pardons

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Your French dip, sir.'