Bookish Comedian Gifts

Required seventh grade reading list

"I know it's a foreign book...but I'm reading it with a local accent."

"You're going to hate yourself."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

Kultural K9's.

'Hard to follow...'

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

'Friends, lab rats, country mice, lend me your ears...'

Hamlet in the craft shop.

Encyclopedic Novel Slam.

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

I downloaded Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" into it's memory, and now the "command" key isn't working.

Earl suspends his disbelief.

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

Medical Books - Lady Chatterley's Liver

'Bront?saurus.'

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

"Call me Ishmael."

Frank and Ernie's Poetry Corner. Robert Frost. TV Guide. I think I'll watch some late-night comedy