Bookish Jokester Gifts

I downloaded Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" into it's memory, and now the "command" key isn't working.

"You're going to hate yourself."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Hard to follow...'

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

Note Book

Plagiarism by Billy Widmore It was the best of times it was the worst of times. Four score and seven years ago, Quoted the raven nevermore...

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

Book Worm

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

'...and what's more, they're all first editions.'

"You'd like a book by Shakespeare? Certainly sir - which one. . .?"

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

Will Self deprecation

N't. Dear, we're commas. Get down here before you get hurt.

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

Meet The Ghostwriter

'I want something by Anais Nin... but not the naughty Anais Nin!'

Larry's Literary Market.

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

'Oooh, man... I meant to express that as an interior monologue!' ~ Fred, left to his own literary devices.

'If you're opening a joint account, Dr. Jekyll, the other account holder has to be here to sign.'

"I know it's a foreign book...but I'm reading it with a local accent."

Dentists who do appendectomies.

"Your manuscript is utter trash, of course. How does a half-million first printing sound to you?"

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"Books about unicorns? Fantasy section. Next to the biographies of honest politicians."

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

'Tender and Juicy.'

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'