Literary Humorist Pillows

"I wish you would make up your mind, Mr. Dickens. Was it the best of times or was it the worst of times? It could scarcely have been both."

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

Great Poets of Catalogdom

"Let me guess – you stayed late at your buddy's place helping him with a, quoth, poem."

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

"Perhaps He Was Too Close To The Situation, But Aesop Failed To See Any Goddamned Moral To The Story Of The Goddamned Birds Eating His Goddamned Tomatoes Again . . ."

'It was a last-minute change, but a good one.'

Hamlet: An Early Draft

"Do you have any why-to books?"

Hemingway's dog meets Faulkner's Dog.

The road less travelled (man falling off a cliff).

'I think the surgery went well, especially considering I'm a doctor of literature.'

'Waiting for Godotcom.'

"Happy?"

'Friends, lab rats, country mice, lend me your ears...'

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

'With your liberal arts background, you should be able to walk into any employer's office and say with the utmost confidence, 'Wherefore art thou, Romeo?''

"Three Morons At Sea."

'You STUPID fool Ryan! Didn't i warn you not to go JUDGING his cover?!' / A book has just been bashed around a bit for judging another book's cover.

Medical Books - Lady Chatterley's Liver

'He had writer's block right up until the end.'

As man reads horror fiction, tree reads pulp fiction.

"Every man for himself!"

Don Quixote is recorded by Sancho Panza.

Hopeless Romantic - "I wandered lonely as a hat..."

"Look, I think it's a cute idea, but the salespeople say there's not market for a big color pop-up book of toxic waste."

"'Genesis' was brilliant! I can't wait for the next installment."

"We've moved a few things around. Travel books are in the Fantasy section, Politics is in Sci-Fi, and Epidemiology is in Self-Help. Good luck."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

'I know you see this as a 'coffee table' book, but might I suggest it would make a better 'under the wonky leg of a coffee table' book,,'

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

"David? Yes, he's just a stones throw from here.�

The New Wasteland - "April is the cruellest month.. probably due to global warming.."