Storytime Revolutionaries Gifts

'Why is it that there are so many bedtime stories about stupid princes and princesses, but no cool ones about zombies and chainsaws?'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Little Princess.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'A is for Arse.'

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

Alice Through the Looking Glass - 'Tickets Please!'

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

'Bedtime stories at the Browns'.'

"Fellow graduates, when I look at you, I see future princesses, ninjas, wizards, superheroes, and zombies."

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

Sleepy Bunny

"We call it 'learning to read', not 'battling illiteracy'."

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."