Storytime Renegade Gifts

"Daddy, will you read me my Twitter feed?"

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"OK, ready to go again?"

"Well, guys... I guess we'll just have to ask Siri where we are." "No! Don't do that!" "Yeah! We know exactly what we're doing!" "Dude! Have you forgotten our credo?" "Society for the refusal to ask for directions."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

Alice Through the Looking Glass - 'Tickets Please!'

'More hair than brains.'

"Fellow graduates, when I look at you, I see future princesses, ninjas, wizards, superheroes, and zombies."

'Welcome home, Dear. Your dinner is in the popcorn bowl.'

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

Ready for a run!

"And what's the story behind the story?"

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

Music Freak.

"That's my performance review!? Two thumbs up?"

"And after the prime rate declined by half a point, the Dow rose by thirty-two, guess what happened to Goose and Fox?"

" 'And so the crack-whore princess and her pimp lived happily ever after. The end.' O.K., that's it. Lights out."

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

'Deer and Game Crossing'.

Female Dominance.

"No offense Dad, but is this available on DVD?"

Solar Storm Expected!

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Late again.

"Are you telling me you won't even ask the computerized navigational system for directions?"

"...and although the tortoise was severely speed-challenged, he achieved his sales quota through a strict goal-specific program."

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

"You know how to whistle, don't you? Just pick up the phone and call the S.E.C."

Cluster Catastrophe