Storytime Renegade Pillows

"Daddy, will you read me my Twitter feed?"

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"Fellow graduates, when I look at you, I see future princesses, ninjas, wizards, superheroes, and zombies."

Alice Through the Looking Glass - 'Tickets Please!'

'More hair than brains.'

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

'Welcome home, Dear. Your dinner is in the popcorn bowl.'

Ready for a run!

"And what's the story behind the story?"

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

Music Freak.

"That's my performance review!? Two thumbs up?"

" 'And so the crack-whore princess and her pimp lived happily ever after. The end.' O.K., that's it. Lights out."

"And after the prime rate declined by half a point, the Dow rose by thirty-two, guess what happened to Goose and Fox?"

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

Female Dominance.

'Deer and Game Crossing'.

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

"No offense Dad, but is this available on DVD?"

"Are you telling me you won't even ask the computerized navigational system for directions?"

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

Late again.

Solar Storm Expected!

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

"...and although the tortoise was severely speed-challenged, he achieved his sales quota through a strict goal-specific program."

"...and then the heroic young investor managed to capture the evil high interest rate monster and wrestled him down until he was a mere 5.25%!"

"You know how to whistle, don't you? Just pick up the phone and call the S.E.C."

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"