Stormy Satire Gifts

'There is no bad weather, just bad weather FORECASTS.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Captain steering house through flood.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

Missing Daylight: So dark. So cold.

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

"Did you get some work done?"

"We're going to need more words for flip-flops."

"We'll feel pretty silly if it's downgraded to a tropical storm."

"Defending you isn't going to be easy. . . Sana actually started an 'Extremely cruel, stupid and psychotic kid' list especially for you."

'I really think you should check your pools, sir.'

'I'm the ghost of non-sectarian midwinter public holiday future.'

'I'd take that with a pinch of salt if I thought the council could spare any.'

"I give you about ten days, then your head will rot."

"I guess the weather forecast was right."

"Wow! She's hot."

"I'm determined to beat the traffic, I just need to work out how they fly."

Wintertime Barometer.

During the Tempest, Panurge's Courage has Deserted Him. Friar Jean Mocks Him (Rabelais).

Gardening Terminology: Freezia

'I don;t see how that's going to work?'

"Save my spot?"

"No giblets, but there's an organ-donor card."

'They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games!'

Drunken Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

"Level with me doc, how long have I got left?"

'I'm in a barking cessation training program. This is how I express my hostility.'

"Don't get me wrong. I love working at the North Pole, I just wish one damn store around here sold non-pointed shoes."

Snowman Liposuction.

Our life is better than yours Christmas letters

Christmas Eva