Stormy Humorist Gifts

"Two's Company Three's a Cloud!"

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Glance Exchange

Captain steering house through flood.

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"It's just a tree."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"How about a hand."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Self Help / Elf Help.

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'You can't come in here with that.'

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

"I cross the road to forget."

'The Lemming Book Store'

'Please keep in mind this is only a 'ruff' copy.'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'