Stormy Humorist Pillows

"Two's Company Three's a Cloud!"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Glance Exchange

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Captain steering house through flood.

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"How about a hand."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"It's just a tree."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'The Lemming Book Store'

"I cross the road to forget."

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'