Quirky Weather Humorist Gifts

Captain steering house through flood.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Glance Exchange

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"Chomp... Chomp... Curry Tree..."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"How about a hand."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"It's just a tree."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'You can't come in here with that.'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

Self Help / Elf Help.

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

"I cross the road to forget."

'The Lemming Book Store'

'Please keep in mind this is only a 'ruff' copy.'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

One Painting Says To the Other... 'Do you ever get that creepy feeling like they are watching you.'