Stock Market Sage Gifts

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

'I'm in equities and mutual funds. You?'

Help! Sold Derivatives when I didn't even know what they were.

'Remember, an economic boom is usually followed by an economic kaboom,'

"Jitters on Wall Street today over rumors that Alan Greenspan said, 'A rich man can as soon enter Heaven as a camel fit through the eye of a needle.' "

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"

'We make cents out of your dollars.'

National Academy of Short Selling.

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

$165 Billion!!! Huge amount of money!

'Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. but teach him to trade stocks online and . . . uh . . . where was I going with this?'

'Sorry, Mary, but my intuition has been telling me to avoid hunches altogether!'

"Do you swear to calm the jittery financial markets, all the jittery financial markets and nothing but the jittery financial markets, so help you God?"

"Nothing about Day Trading?"

"I feel like a hypocrite writing a report on the Green Revolution. My trust fund portfolio has oil, mining, and tobacco stocks."

'Eddie, I recommend you buy 'large company' stocks. They could be bankrupt for years, and nobody would every know.'

'Hello, Dial-A-Prayer?...Buy? Sell? What would Jesus do?'

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

The Gods want us to get into the stock market.

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

'Wall Street' 'Dip'

"...When I was your age, I walked 10 blocks to the stock exchange to place a trade."

'The first step toward wisdom is accepting that no one knows exactly when to 'buy low' and 'sell high'.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'Just remember never to sell before the boom, or buy before the bust.'

"Don't jump, Petry! Do you realize how silly you look when the Dow is over 20,000?"

'Buy low, sell high, stay diversified. That's it?'

Graveside Service

'And there you have it. According to our experts, the stock market will either advance, decline, or remain unchanged this year.'

Congressman Yomp: 'No, you can't put your assets in a blind-trust-with-one-eye-open!'

"We want to redeem our junk bonds. I'm not concerned but my advisor here worries."

'Do you remember the good old days when 'going green' meant a big dividend yield?'

'Stocks and bonds dropped...on news that 'all that glitters is not gold'.'

To err is human, but to have your stocks recover from a plummet is divine.

"Remember, Joey, Life is a good preparation for stocks -- lots of ups and downs."