Investment Sage Gifts

"Sure, I could hold your hand during down markets...but it wouldn't help you learn how to embrace failure."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

The day the stock market went UP.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Invest in technology."

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

The Shrinking Dollar.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

Team Experiences Cabinet: Productivity, Fun, Goal Setting!

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

Corporate Team Building. Team. Hey, everybody, I've just been told our CEO fled the country while we've been doing our truth exercises.

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'Well, dad, as a medical student I've got to read specialized literature!'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'