Financial Sage Gifts

"I want each of you on the way home tonight to stop, look up, ponder the heavens, and consider how insignificant our second-quarter loss really is."

'No sir, I'm afraid there isn't a patron saint for investors.'

Beggars' sign - 'Firmly believed my own financial newsletter'.

"We should have invested in tech stocks."

Just another one of those people who got his mortgage after congress pushed through the community reinvestment act.

'If stocks are up, bonds are down. If bonds are up, stocks are down. It's life's Yin and Yang.'

'I can audit any man in the house!'

A lucky bank account holder today is anyone who still has one.

'There's a hundred cents in the dollar...but what about the yen?'

"Just for arguments sake. Let's imagine that it is the bank's business to know what you want the loan for."

"I understand he used to be in treasury management!"

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Corporate Team Building. Team. Hey, everybody, I've just been told our CEO fled the country while we've been doing our truth exercises.

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

Saving for College.

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

Neuro, Biology, Chemistry, Feedback, Psychology, Technology, Physiology Institute

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?