Retirement Sage Gifts

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

401K

'You should agree with me, but not all the time, Try mixing it up a little,'

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

"This looks good, Jim, but we'd better run it by legal, Siri, and Alexa."

"It just happens...one day you wake up and you find that your best billable hours are behind you."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

Tariff Adjustment

'Probably just another correctional movement.'

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your 401k is?"

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

'How do I tell the president we're looking at an ampersand-shaped recovery? He still doesn't get the supply curve.'

Pension planning for Brexit

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

'You're lucky, you're one of our few employees that will live long enought to earn a pension.'

Sixty is the new fifty mostly because all the money we saved in the last decade is gone.

"Well the good news is that the new software analysed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product. . ."

If swimming is such a good way to lose weight, how do you explain whales?

'He's a successful investment advisor.'

"And it's also a really great hedge against a future bad housing market."